i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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