wrigley field is MILF paradise
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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