So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize