I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize