Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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