when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this boner is exhausting
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
