Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sext me about skeletons
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
