I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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