I should be sponsored by Trojan
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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