dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
