You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
