meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
