I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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