I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
