that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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