i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
