The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The uberlube is also flammable
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Randomize
