well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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