your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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