sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize