don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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