party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
