He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
