After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
