I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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