when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
