I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize