Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
