I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
