So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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