Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
