a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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