there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
