Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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