Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
