I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
