There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize