my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love you. Go after that dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
