why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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