I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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