Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
