fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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