I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am spending my child support on dildos
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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