I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
