once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
