you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize