Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
