I didn't shave. On purpose
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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