I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
