Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
