dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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