Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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