I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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