I just cut my nipple shaving
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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