I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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