When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize