My nipple is on Facebook.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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