My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
