I'm gonna have a badass scar
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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