I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
