please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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