is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
