Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
