I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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