That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize