Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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