Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My pussy is not your playground.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
