I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
