You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
