Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize