You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
