well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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