I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
