Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
