I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i think i have two assholes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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