if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
