dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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