I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
