Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
