Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
