everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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