who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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