I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
