i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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