this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
