maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
