Got a toothbrush?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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