it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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