We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize