dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
