i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So much rum. So many feels.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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