i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
