idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
