And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
