Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
