i already hear my dad disowning me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ketchup is God's man juice
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
