I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
