You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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